Foam

Foam. It is a lovely word. Say it 10 times, it is like a meditative chant.

I am filled with a soft type of foam. I guess you could say that foam is my life source. So, it seemed only fitting that I should visit Foamhenge, a foam replica of Stonehenge. It was breathtaking. I felt the presence of all my foam filled ancestors. We are a proud race, made up of engineered lightweight cellular materials with open cell structures.

As I stood in the center of Foamhenge, I was moved by the beauty and power of foam.

If you prick us, do we not foam? Shakespeare
The tongue, like a sharp knife, kills without drawing foam. Buddha
I have nothing to offer but foam, toil, tears and sweat. Winston Churchill.
Half caff, 2%, heavy foam. Starbucks

Trust Me

So, Kim and my shrink (who will not stop staring at me) decided that it would be good for us to do some trust building exercises.

First, they blindfolded me and made me walk through an obstacle course of thumbtacks.  I was led only by Kim's voice. It wasn't that bad. I was actually starting to think that this might work...that maybe, there was hope for us yet.

Then they told me to stand on the edge of a two foot high precipice and fall backwards. Kim was supposed to catch me, but her iPhone rang while I was in midair.

Yeah, we are back to square one.

Farm Fresh Goodness

Do you know how many tourist attractions there are in the U.S.?  Thousands. And where does Kim stop? Disneyworld? Noooo. Hershey Park? Noooo.  Seaworld? Noooo.

She stops at the Bob Evans Farm in Rio Grande, Ohio. Whoopty doo. She made me stand in front of this windmill while she took my picture. Then she bought a cow hat and some sausage and kept talking about farm fresh goodness and animal well being. Sounded like a cult or something.

If she starts making me where a fanny pack, I'm quitting and getting another job.

Labor Day

I am grateful for Labor Day...especially because it brought about the two day weekend. Yeah, right. Like Kim actually upholds that little rule. For Ugly Monsters, the battle is not over. Recently I had the honor of being the keynote speaker at NUMU (National Ugly Monsters Union).  I was a hit.  I made sure that I banged on the podium for effect, people love that.

Here is a few lines from my speech:

I believe in products made for monsters with one eye! I dream of a better world, where chickens can cross the road without their motives being questioned! I believe in the use of touch screens for those of us without phalanges.  We are not ugly, we are unique! We are a vital force to be reckoned with. If Peter McGuire can make a difference so can we. Join me now in this fight for proper treatment of Ugly Monsters in the workplace!

Yeah, I was a hit.