My Guilty Pleasure

It lurks in the dark hallways of the local mall, on the sidewalk at the corner store, in the food court next to Taco Land, and near the bathrooms at the movie theater.  Like one of Pavlov's dogs, I see the blinking lights and hear the sound of the bell and I instinctively start searching, hoping to find a quarter. Just. One. Quarter.

The coin drops and it's activated. For one glorious moment I am transported. I am no longer a fingerless, one eyed, pink, ugly monster, created to serve at Kim's beck and call.  I am a race car driver, a cowboy, a school bus driver, the whole world is my carnival!! I throw my head back and howl at the moon (or at the florescent, flickering Pretzel Hut sign).

How is it that a simple driving mechanism hidden under a vacuum formed plastic cover can do this to me?

My guilty pleasure.

The Fruit of Good and Evil

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

Bull pucky. An apple a day will keep you broke. iPhones, iPads, iPods, Nanos, Shuffles, Mac, iTunes, I could go on and on and on.  I love the iPad and iPod because you don't need fingers to use them...which is a very handy little feature considering my appendages or lack there of.

Like Eve, unable to resist the temptation of the apples sweetness and promised powers, I plucked an Apple from tree. I purchased an iPad. Sure enough, a few weeks later, another one came out. A better version, a hotter version, a quicker version. It's a vicious cycle of feeling cool and then feeling outdated. Soon Apple will have to come up with iMeds. Medication to treat the depression we experience from technical peer pressure caused by the Apple tree.

Apple, the fruit of good and evil.

Wardrobe Malfunction

I hate going out to dinner. I'm usually the only one not wearing pants.

What? Just buy some pants? Well, that's easy for you to say, but look at me!

My legs are 1/6 the size of my ears...a little tough to fit. Don't get me wrong, I think pants are glorious and I believe they have become the most ubiquitous and beloved staple for mankind.

Pants, slacks, kegs, breeches, trousers, bloomers, jodhpurs, pantaloons, jeans...whatever you call them, I wish I had a pair.

Sailors are thought to have played a central role in the spreading of pants as a fashion trend around the world. Sailors as trend setters, who would have thought it?  In the 16th-18th centuries, sailors wore loose fit trousers known as galligaskins. Sailors were also the first to wear jeans. I think MC Hammer also had a large part in the role of pants on society.

Can't touch this.

Vacation, All I Ever Wanted

Recently Kim and I went to the Pacific Northwest.  After nagging her for over an hour, she finally stopped working and took me to the beach. 

I must have made her a little angry because she offered me a straw and told me to go snorkeling. 

She knows, as well as I do, that my peripheral vision is not adequate for that type of adventure. I mean, who knows what lives in that water. If it attacks, I at least wanna see it coming.